Breakable Read online

  Then Karyn leaned into Mark’s arm and said something that made him smile. He nodded and touched her hair. They looked so comfortable together.

  Something inside me trembled, then snapped.

  He wasn’t mine.

  He was never going to be mine.

  As a pop song started that was big on the radio right now, the entire crowd trooped towards the dance floor. I grabbed Dex before he could move.

  “What’s up? Don’t you want to go dance?” He sounded irritated.

  I grabbed his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. Once he’d recovered from the shock, his lips moved with mine. His arms became a prison, holding me tight. His hands lingered over me and his breath sped up.

  I told myself this was what I’d wanted. This was what I’d been pining for. I needed to forget about Mark and move on with Dex and stop wishing for what could never be.

  When we came up for air, Dex shook his head and his eyes twinkled. “You look pretty tonight, you know?” he said awkwardly. I grinned and shook my head. Dex’s arms tightened. “No, I mean it. I’m glad it’s you. I’m glad I didn’t screw it up last time.”

  And even though I kissed him again, all I could think was, but you did.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I drifted around the dance floor in the arms of a good-looking footballer. And no one pointed or laughed. At least, not openly.

  Dex dropped his chin to smile at me as he squeezed my butt. He looked great. He’d taken off his jacket and his shoulders definitely suited shirtsleeves. His tie was already pulled loose to dangle on his chest. I had to hope the smile I returned looked real. I was struggling not to walk out and go home.

  Whenever I’d envisioned this moment, I was in Mark’s arms. Our dancing was nothing more than a prelude to more. We’d wrap ourselves together and only come up for air when it was time to go.

  Instead, while the picture was right, I couldn’t find the joy. It was ridiculous. I was dressed pretty, swaying in the middle of the dance floor, circled by Dex’s arms, senses full of the sound of his quickened breath as it rushed past my ear, his lips on my neck, his hands all over me. And even if the other eyes in the room narrowed when they fell on me, so far they’d all moved on without a word.

  I had the most of the dance ahead of me, and plans for later. I should have been ecstatic.

  But I was uncomfortable and awkward.

  And embarrassingly close to tears.

  “You thirsty?” Dex’s lips touched the skin under my ear, shocking me out of my reverie.

  “Yeah, sure.” It had become my pat answer to everything.

  Wanna go to prom, Stacy? Yeah, sure.

  Wanna go to Finn’s beach house for a party? Yeah, sure.

  Wanna become the slut everyone already thinks you are?

  Yeah… sure…

  We broke apart, moving back to the table the crowd had claimed after the photos. Dex tipped his head towards the drinks table. I just nodded and dropped into a chair, grateful for a moment I didn’t have to fake being happy.

  Watching his flat, broad shoulders weave through the crowds, I wanted to slap myself. Why couldn’t I get excited about this?

  “Enjoying yourself?”

  The voice was right, but the cold tone sank into my bones. I turned to find Mark standing next to me, hair slicked back like some fifties gangster, jacket off, tie already gone. He looked amazing.

  Except, he had his hands in his pockets and that little muscle at the back of his jaw twitched.

  “I’m fine. What’s wrong with you?”

  “We need to talk.” Mark grabbed my arm and hauled me out of the chair, marching me toward the door.

  “What’s your problem?” I yanked myself out of his grip, but kept pace with him.

  His jaw twitched again, but instead of answering, he stalked out the door into the bright hallway, tipped his head to the left and led me into one of the darkened corridors further down.

  He was taking me away from everyone else. Heat flushed my chest and pooled in my belly. But he was supposed to do this with a dreamy, come-hither look on his face. Not this hostile mask.

  “Mark, what’s–?”

  We pushed through the swinging fire doors and Mark whirled on me. “You told someone, didn’t you?”

  I jerked back a step. “Told someone what?”

  “About the party. That the girls wouldn’t be alone.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Mark’s eyes glittered in the dim light. He leaned in. “Someone told Terese’s mom the truth. She’s picking Terese up right after the dance, and threatening to tell the other parents the truth too. If they all find out, the party’s ruined.”

  I frowned. “What’s that got to do with me?”

  Mark raked a hand through his hair. “Everyone in the group has been looking forward to this forever. None of them has a reason to let the truth get out. So the question is, who told?”

  “And you think it was me? You think I’d give up my first chance for a real prom night for… for what?”

  “You don’t have to give yours up. Your mom doesn’t care, right?”

  “That isn’t… it doesn’t…” I sputtered. “I wouldn’t do that, Mark. Why would you even think–?” I gasped. “Karyn said this, didn’t she!”

  For the first time, Mark looked uncertain. Then his hands closed to fists and he fixed me with a frigid look. “It doesn’t matter who said it. It makes sense. You’re the only one who’d want to ruin this for her. For Terese. For all the girls.”

  Except Finn. Finn who’s jealous of Karyn sleeping with Mark. Finn who’d do anything that suited him.

  The words were on the tip of my tongue. But the image of Finn, waving that letter under my nose loomed large. I swallowed them and searched for something else to say.

  Mark hadn’t looked away, was still determined to believe this lie about me. Why? He was usually the only one who stuck up for me. But here he was, making accusations, acting cold and angry.

  This was my future staring me in the face. When Mark turned. This is what it would feel like.

  I wanted to grab his shirt and shake him, plead with him care more about me and our relationship than whether or not he got his rocks off with Karyn. But as I swayed toward him, he stepped back. His eyes held a heat I’d never seen before. He was strung tighter than a spring ready to release.

  What was going on?

  “Stace, this wasn’t the time to get revenge, or whatever. You might not just ruin it for Karyn and Terese. You might ruin it for all of us.”

  “I didn’t ruin anything!”

  “Then how did they find out?”

  “I don’t know!” Though I had a strong suspicion. “But I can’t believe you’d listen to her over me!”

  “Why not?” Mark snapped. “You aren’t listening to me anymore. You’re gone all the time and whenever I ask you where you were, you make up some excuse. You won’t come anywhere when I invite you, but Dex snaps his fingers and suddenly you’re there.” He muttered a curse. “You’ve changed, Stace. I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore. So, yeah, maybe it makes sense you did this. Hell, I remember what Dex was like before he left. Maybe you guys are in on this together.”

  “No!” I snapped, shoving Mark in the chest so he stumbled back a step. “No! You don’t get to treat me like they do! You’re my best friend. You’re the only one who…” I closed my eyes, struggled for control. “No!”

  Mark’s mouth dropped open, his eyes wide. But I was beyond any kind of filter. The fear of losing Mark and the anger at him for believing Karyn over me was too great.

  I moved to shove him again, unable to find any other way to express how pissed off I felt, but he caught my hands at the wrist, his face softening just when I needed him to be angry so I could be angrier back.

  “Stace–”

  “No! I didn’t do it, and you know it. I can’t believe you’re siding with them!”

  “I’m not siding, it just ma
kes sense–”

  “To who?!”

  Our eyes locked. Confusion flittered across his face. His grip on my wrists tightened and for a second I thought he would pull me closer. But then he swallowed and his gaze dropped to our hands.

  “I just can’t think of anyone else who’d want to,” he said softly. “It seemed like… maybe you didn’t want me to…”

  Oh, gawd. He’d realized. He thought I’d done this so he couldn’t sleep with Karyn.

  Heat bloomed in my cheeks and I was grateful for the dark to hide my embarrassment. Yanking my hands out of his grip I took a step back. Then another. The heat spread to my chest and I was mad.

  And terrified.

  Mark’s brow furrowed. “Stace–”

  “I didn’t do it. And even though I’d love to see all those girls get a taste of their own medicine, I never would have done it because it would have hurt you,” I admitted in a voice barely above a whisper.

  Mark’s face dropped in surprise. But then he swallowed. “I-I’m sorry… I just–”

  I fled. Because the truth was, even though I hadn’t told, there was a part of me that hoped all their nights were ruined.

  They all deserved it.

  Maybe even Mark.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “You know, you never did answer the question.” Doc’s voice is quiet, sympathetic.

  “Which one?” It’s a decoy. He hasn’t forgotten the portraits. Neither have I. But if I can keep him talking about something else for long enough, maybe he will.

  He gives me a look that says he knows what I’m up to. But he plays along. “I asked you, if you’d known then what you know now, would you still have gone that night?”

  I sigh. “No. Maybe? I don’t know.” I squirm. The clock says 1:00pm. “I mean, it sucked, you know? But there was one part where I was really happy. I don’t get to feel that way very often.”

  Dex and I got out of the building and trotted back across the quad, dodging several groups of students from the dance and a couple teachers. Then we were clacking across the parking lot.

  I groaned. “Can we slow down? My feet are killing me.”

  Dex slowed immediately. “Sorry, sure.” His hand loosened on my wrist, then slid down until his fingers twined in mine. “Sorry,” he said again. But I could feel the restraint in him. He wanted to be running, not crawling along with me.

  The lights on the walkways were dim and spread out, but each cast a glow over Dex’s features. He looked straight ahead, brows furrowed over those grey eyes that used to make me shiver. His sandy hair was a little mussed – he must have been running his hands through it. Or had I done that when we were kissing? A nervous snigger erupted before I could swallow it.

  Dex looked down with a strange expression. “What’s funny?”

  “Nothing, just… You’re acting like we’re running from the mafia.”

  He grinned, sheepish. “You’re not afraid your mom will come for you?”

  I shook my head and hugged his arm. “No. I didn’t have to lie to her. She understood. She did the same thing after her junior prom.”

  As soon as the words were out I knew it sounded like I wasn’t talking about going to a beach house. Dex’s eyes cut to mine and his grin widened. I almost corrected myself – until I realized Mom probably had done both those things after her junior prom. Maybe the sad look on her face when she said goodbye tonight wasn’t the standard nostalgia fare I’d thought.

  Had Older Me had been in this position before, too?

  “Are you, uh… excited?” Dex asked, hushed.

  I nodded. “I’m great.” Too bad I had to say it through gritted teeth.

  Dex’s eyes were on me, so I fixed my face into what I hoped was a nonchalant expression and started walking a little faster. I didn’t want to think about Older Me. I didn’t want to question if I’d done the right thing. I really didn’t want to think about Karyn at the house tonight with Mark and how it should have been me. How, if Older Me hadn’t sabotaged my entire life…

  I didn’t want to think about Older Me.

  I gripped Dex’s hand tighter and kept my eyes fixed forward, waiting to see his car and our escape.

  Tonight would be great. It would be huge. It would change my life. And I’d never look back. Never.

  Conversation dwindled during the drive. I was too obsessed with trying to figure out if I could actually go through with losing my virginity. The virginity no one believed I had.

  Dex seemed preoccupied too. He missed our exit twice. It took two hours to reach the beach house. By the time we pulled up, his hands were white-knuckled on the steering wheel.

  The house glimmered in the deep shade of shaggy trees growing on the edge of sand dunes that kept it out of view of its neighbors. It was a massive, two-storied square with a wrap-around porch and gabled windows in the roof. It looked like it should have been nestled in the cotton fields of Alabama. Turned out Finn was a jerk, but his mom had taste.

  Dex pulled the car off the wide driveway under a tree and turned it off. Now the engine noise was gone, all I could hear was the sea.

  I adore the sound of breaking waves.

  I grabbed Dex’s hand and smiled when he looked at me. “Let’s go for a walk on the beach.”

  “Sure.”

  Pretending his smile didn’t look forced, I opened my door. “Let’s take our bags and stuff inside first, though, okay?” Dex eyed the house.

  “Yeah. Of course.” Was he just trying to get me into the bedroom?

  Hand in hand, we crossed the driveway.

  Music drifted out of every window and open door. Lights blazed from each square pane. But voices rose from the front of the house, where it faced the waves. So we followed the wrap-around porch all the way up the broad side to the front facing the beach.

  When we turned the second corner, light spilled across the deck and onto the grassy dune, while the music rose loud enough to cover normal conversation.

  A guy leaned against the railing of the porch, nursing a beer and talking to someone inside, out of our line of sight.

  The sight of the beer gave me butterflies. I looked up at Dex to gauge his reaction – would he drink tonight? – as he smiled and called out to the guy.

  “Hey, Roger, good to see you, man. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  The guy – Roger apparently – a dark-haired, dark-eyed, skinny guy with very strategic stubble, turned and grinned back.

  “Dex! You’re back!” His eyes widened when he looked at me and he stood straight, giving two thumbs up even with the beer in his hand. “And you got another girl through the shut out. Good work!”

  I had no clue what that meant, but the guy’s tongue was too thick on the words and his smile too bright, so I figured he probably wasn’t making much sense to anyone. But to my dismay, Dex stopped to talk to him, dropping our bags at his feet on the boards of the porch. Roger clapped Dex’s shoulder and started talking, but his eyes kept drifting to my chest.

  Sigh.

  Huge French doors opened into the house right beside us, and a long, hardwood floor stretched through a living room longer than my house was tall. Voices rose from inside, the floor above, and out on the sand. But apart from Liam leaning on the wall inside the door – who nodded when our eyes met – no one else was in sight.

  I glanced at my bag on the porch at Dex’s feet. I’d wanted to check my make-up and stuff, but the idea of taking my bag and finding a room… it was too committed.

  Instead, I tapped Dex on the shoulder and told him I was going to find a bathroom, He nodded and winked. Shivering, I wandered into the house.

  The entire house was hardwood floors and vaulted ceilings. Music blared from a sound system piped into every room – including the bathroom I found.

  When I stepped back into the hall, voices rose from an open door further into the house. One of the laughs sounded like Mark’s, so I started in that direction, relieved. The idea of Mark and Karyn alone in one of t
he rooms over my head made my skin feel tight.

  But just before I stepped into the light spilling out of the doorway, Dex’s voice rose above the other noise. I froze.

  “…don’t think she’d do it. Seriously. She’s trying way too hard to get in with everyone.”

  The high-pitched cackle that followed that comment raised the hairs on the back of my neck.

  Belinda. “She’s such a loser. Why are you even here with her?”

  “Shhhhh, keep it down. I don’t know where she is.”

  “I asked you why you came with Stacy, Dex,” she said, too loudly.

  He shushed her again. “Stop it!” But there was a smile in his voice. Then Belinda squeaked and shuffled footsteps rose over the music.

  “Stop it! Stop tickling!” Belinda giggled. A shiver rode down my spine.

  Dex laughed. More shuffling, and a thump. Then it all went quiet.

  In fact, they were quiet for so long, I figured maybe they’d moved into the next room. But just as I was about to peer around the side to check, Belinda spoke again, in a strangely anxious tone.

  “I’m serious, Dex. Why’d you bring her?” The disdain in her tone was no surprise. But it still hurt.

  “Well, someone told me I didn’t stand a chance. I didn’t want to be alone tonight, so…” Dex’s tone suggested he wasn’t talking about the prom.

  A cutting scoff erupted from Belinda. “You believed me?” She made a weird noise. Dex laughed. “Okay, fine,” she said. “My bad. But you’ve gotta get some game, Dex. You can’t believe everything a girl tells you. Especially when she’s smiling…I mean, you know…”

  Her voice dropped so I couldn’t hear. Then she laughed and Dex whined “Aw, Belle!” Both their voices faded into the music then.

  I stood with the wall at my back. My entire body trembled.

  So… Dex had only asked me because he’d believed Belinda would say no.

  He only asked me because he was too insecure to get shot down by someone else.

  And he hadn’t wanted to be alone. Apparently I was a safe bet.