Breakable Page 21

  He wanted to get laid. That’s all this was about.

  Oh, geez.

  Then, to add insult to injury, footsteps started in the hallway, quickly followed by Finn’s voice. “…I won’t. But it bugs me that she’s here.”

  Another voice I didn’t recognize asked, “Why’d he bring her?”

  Finn snorted. “Belinda has a three-month rule. He wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

  “So? Wait three months. It’s gotta be better than sleeping with Gingermutt.”

  My stomach dropped to my toes.

  “I’m not going to stand in the way of Dex popping his cherry. But I’ll remind him that she sleeps in the kennel when they’re finished.”

  They both laughed and the last of my hope died. I backed away from the light, away from the voices, tears streaming down my cheeks, moving in jerky, awkward steps. My feet were cement, my legs blocks of wood.

  Dex didn’t care about me. He wasn’t nice because he liked me. He only brought me here for sex. And somehow he’d made Finn be nice so I wouldn’t say no.

  Well, he was out of luck.

  Then, underneath the gut wrenching humiliation, I was washed in relief so tangible, it brought goosebumps to my skin.

  I whirled, stumbled down the hall, past the door into the long living room straight ahead until another door opened on my left. The room was dark, but the windows glowed with the light of a night sky and the silhouette of trees. A door lead to the porch outside. The other side of the house. The dark side. No one was out there.

  I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my sobs, slipped outside and ran along the house until I was deep in the shadows of the porch, at the back where the trees grew over it and as far from the light and sounds of music as I could get.

  Tears slid down my cheeks, made my nose run, made me croak, but I couldn’t let them go. I couldn’t let someone hear me and find me. I couldn’t face any of them.

  They all must have known! It’s why they’d let me tag along tonight. For Dex’s sake. Because they accepted him and he was using me.

  I should never have come here. I should never have let myself believe Dex actually liked me. I’d known it. Deep down, I’d known he didn’t care. But I talked myself into it because that felt better than admitting the truth.

  I shuddered, threw my arms around myself as the seams in my chest creaked and groaned. I felt like I was holding all my pieces together. And just one wrong bump…

  I wanted to yell and scream and hit someone. I wanted to throw something at Older Me and hate her for being right. I wanted to embarrass Dex even more than he’d embarrassed me.

  Oh, geez. I had to get out of there.

  How? My bag was with Dex. I’d come in his car. Mom wasn’t going to drive all the way out here unless I freaked her out with the truth – and I couldn’t face that.

  If I was going to figure it out I had to calm down. I wiped away tears, imagining wiping away the words I’d heard, breathing in time with the motion. Eventually I calmed enough to slow the tears to a leak, rather than a torrent. But no matter how I looked at it, there was only one option.

  Mark.

  That brought more tears.

  Mark was here. And if I told him what I’d heard, he’d take me home.

  But I didn’t know where he was. And wherever he was, I’d no doubt find Karyn too. What if they were upstairs right now?!

  I sucked in deep breaths of sea air and told myself I had to get it together.

  I could do this. I could figure this out. Even if it meant hiding all night and commandeering Mark’s car in the morning… I could do this.

  But, man, did I ever wish I didn’t have to.

  Crushed under the weight of the humiliation and aching to my bones with pain of being so alone, I buried my face in my knees and sobbed.

  I didn’t care about the make up or the snot or whether anyone heard me. At that point, I figured I couldn’t get any lower.

  And man, do I wish I’d been right.

  I have no idea how long I sat there. My head ran an endless loop of what I’d heard and how impossible it would be to get out of this with my dignity intact. But eventually the tears ran out and I was able to lift my head, resting it against the white boards behind me.

  I was cold.

  Tucking my skirt up under my knees only helped so much – the sea breeze crept between the boards to tickle up my legs, and slid from the sand across the skin of my bare arms.

  I started to shiver, but I still couldn’t stomach the idea of facing anyone. It felt like if I moved too fast, the pieces of me would split and fall away.

  Then someone called my name – male voices on the beach shouting for me. Adrenalin pressed out of my heart into every goosebump and hair follicle. Dex obviously realized I’d disappeared. But did he know why?

  Shrinking in harder against the house, I prayed the shadows would keep the searchers at bay a while longer. I couldn’t talk to these people. What would I say?

  Tears pressed again when the silhouette of a guy rose from the dunes, a few feet away from the porch.

  The closer he got, the sharper the shadow he cut through the gaps in the railings. And the harder I prayed he wouldn’t see me.

  He stopped a few feet from the porch, peering between the trees and shouted “STACE?!”

  It was Mark.

  I gasped and he whirled around, stumbling through the grass towards me. “Stace?”

  When he reached the railing, instead of running back to the stairs he gripped the rail and pulled himself up like a swimmer on the edge of a pool.

  In one slow, easy movement he flipped his legs over and landed on the boards a few feet away.

  My heart kicked.

  “Are you okay?!” he rushed toward me, sliding to his knees at my side. I shushed him and cringed in on myself, uncertain whether to be dismayed or elated he’d found me.

  “Seriously, Stace, everyone’s looking for you. What happened?” He stumbled on the words, one hand on my shoulder, his eyes searching my face in the dark.

  “I-I… I had to get away from… from Dex…” My voice sounded breathy and broken.

  Mark froze. “What did he do?” he said, deep and stilted, his fingers digging into my shoulder.

  I looked up and met his eyes, looked at his mouth – slightly open, his lower lip shoved forward – and I cracked. I spilled the whole stupid story about thinking I might sleep with Dex because he was being my boyfriend, then overhearing him talk to Belinda, and Finn’s words, and the way they all laughed. The last parts came out in pieces between sobs.

  Mark didn’t move or speak the whole time. I only knew he was listening because his fingers tightened when I talked about sleeping with Dex and what Finn said. I leaned into him and cried and felt humiliated, but also so glad I didn’t have to figure it out on my own anymore.

  Then, when I finished, Mark let out a huge breath. The tension fell off him like a blanket.

  “C’mere,” he whispered, mouth twisted into a grimace. Then he gathered me close and stroked my back, speaking into my ear.

  “I’m sorry. I wondered, but he didn’t talk about you in front of me. And Finn didn’t tell me… Man, he sucks.”

  I didn’t know if he meant Finn or Dex, but I nodded against his chest and inhaled his sharp, intoxicating cologne. For the first time since I’d walked into this hellhole, I felt warm.

  Mark held me. He wasn’t doing that thing guys do when a girl cries, where they put an awkward arm around her and wish they were anywhere else. Mark held me – and muttered curses at the people who’d hurt me.

  So, when he sat back, it felt like the floor dropped out from under me. Cold air on every side made my goosebumps rise again.

  “Stacy, look at me.”

  Mark squeezed my shoulders. Then he moved to tip my chin, forcing my head up. “Look at me.”

  My chest tightened with the urgency in his voice. I met his eyes with tears blurring my own. I could smell the sickly sweet after-breath o
f beer over his cologne.

  “H-have you b-been drinking?” I hiccupped.

  Mark shrugged, his eyes never leaving mine. “Only a little.”

  I sighed. “Thanks for… well, anyway, you should probably go. Karyn will have a cow if you disappear too.”

  “Karyn’s not here,” he frowned. “We had a fight. Didn’t you know?”

  I shook my head, pushed my lips together so I wouldn’t smile.

  But Mark wasn’t done. “Half the girls got called home by their parents before even got here. The rest joined forces with Karyn an hour ago and went to a motel. Including Belinda.” He grinned. “Only you would miss that.”

  “Wait, there’s no other girls here now?”

  Mark shook his head and I groaned, burying my face in my hands.

  Not only was I here under slutty pretenses, but stories would go around school about how I’d been the only girl left. I could imagine what Karyn and her friends would do with that.

  “Hey, hey. Don’t worry.” Mark’s arms closed around me again, but I could hear the smile in his voice. “We’ll hang out tonight, stay out of everyone’s way and I’ll drive you home in the morning, okay? Relax. It’s fine.”

  I looked up at him then. His grin broadened to a smile and he reached forward to brush a tear from my cheek. Then the thumb traced my cheek again.

  “Please stop crying,” he murmured and there was a new note in his voice that shivered in my stomach.

  “Okay,” was the only thing I could think to say.

  Mark grinned, but only for a second. His eyes latched on mine and his thumb traced my cheekbone again, fingers coming to rest under my ear.

  “You look beautiful tonight. You know that?”

  “S-sure. Puffy eyes and all–”

  His other hand cupped my face and he stared at me. “I’m serious.”

  I was frozen in that look. When his head tipped down and his lips closed on mine, for a second, I felt like I was watching it happen to someone else.

  But then...So softly, but so sure, I fell into his kiss. He swallowed my words, probed at my lips. His tongue traced mine with a feather touch.

  Mark was kissing me.

  Mark was kissing me.

  Mark was kissing me.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The boards of the porch creaked and a rush of air chilled my ankles, but Mark leaned over me, his lips dancing across mine in time with his breath.

  My shaking, unbelieving hands slid up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer. I pressed into him, into his kiss, and my breath came too fast but I couldn’t care.

  Mark was kissing me. And it was every bit as good as I’d dreamed.

  He held my face so I couldn’t move away. His breath mingled with mine and the hot, sweet smell of alcohol didn’t even matter. He kissed me like he wanted to and I could have stayed there for hours. I didn’t care that we were outside. I didn’t care about what had happened. I wanted to spend the rest of my life in that moment.

  Mark’s breath thundered in my ear as his fingers laced behind my neck and he kissed his way down my jaw, to my throat, to my collarbone.

  “Gawd, I’ve been waiting to do that,” he breathed against the skin of my neck, his lips brushing the words away. “Every time I saw you tonight I wanted to grab you and leave.”

  My head spun. Was this possible?

  “I always feel that way,” I whispered, then cringed when he chuckled.

  He pulled back to meet my eyes. My stomach dropped because he wasn’t kissing me anymore and had I ruined everything?

  He cleared his throat, but I could hear his rapid breath. His lips were wet and I ached to have them back, but was wretchedly certain I’d scared him off.

  We stared at each other in the dark – his eyes not much more than dark circles slashed with a line of light. Then he sighed.

  “I’m sorry I made you wait,” he said, then pulled me close again and kissed away my reply.

  I couldn’t get enough of him. The collar of his shirt twisted between my fingers. The smooth skin beneath his ear fit my palm perfectly. His kiss took mine and reflected it back while he held my head with one hand and slid the other around my waist, his fingers barely kneading the skin at my back.

  I wanted more. I let my hands drift down to his waist. I pulled his shirt out of his belt in rapid tugs, sliding my hands under it to his stomach. The tight muscles of his abdomen clenched under my touch. My own tightened in response.

  Mark groaned and the sound trilled in my chest, sending electric currents through my insides. Our kiss deepened.

  But just as I drummed up the courage to look for the button on his jeans, “Oh, man. Stop. Not here.” Mark pulled away, found my eyes and stared like he was searching for something. Then he smiled. “Come with me.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked, so obviously breathless that I became very glad for the dark hiding my blush.

  “Somewhere we can actually be alone,” he said in a husky voice and pushed to his feet. The sudden distance between us left me feeling bereft. But Mark pulled on my wrist, tugging me to my feet. When I lost my balance and fell into his chest he kissed me again, his fingers curled into my waist.

  Then one of his hands clasped mine and pulled me along the porch and down the little steps onto the grass.

  As soon as our feet touched the sand a voice called from the back of the house. “Stacy!?”

  We both froze. At first I thought someone had seen us, then Mark cursed and turned to face me.

  “They’re still looking for you. I have to let them know you’re okay or they’ll keep searching…”

  Until they find us.

  I didn’t want him to leave, didn’t want to stop, but I also didn’t want someone calling the Police.

  “Okay,” I croaked.

  Mark’s fingers tightened on mine. He looked over my shoulder toward the house, then down at me. “I’ll tell them you’re sick. I’ll be back in five minutes, okay?”

  I nodded and he kissed me again, then, “Go into those trees over there. I’ll find you.”

  Then he took the stairs in one leap, jogged along the porch and out of sight.

  A breeze blew from the waves, pressing a tendril of hair across my face, tickling my cheek. I wanted to follow him, stop him. As soon as he saw another person it would break whatever spell was making him believe he wanted me. But I couldn’t go back there. I couldn’t face those people. I couldn’t put Mark between me and them.

  I was afraid he’d choose them.

  Oh, he wouldn’t turn his back on me. But he’d look at me and that light I’d seen in his eyes wouldn’t be there. He’d give me perfect, logical explanations about why he needed to stay in the house. He’d tell me to go to sleep and he’d take me home in the morning.

  And he’d breathe a sigh of relief when I left the room.

  The walk to the trees felt like a funeral march. But I couldn’t go back. So I would wait.

  The moon was almost full behind all the clouds, so a low, hazy light covered everything now. The sand glowed, turning holes into smudges, and driftwood into black, gnarled hands.

  My own hands shook and my feet seemed to find every rock and gully hidden in the beach grasses. I tripped twice before I reached the trees, though I only walked far enough in to be sure I was hidden by the shadows.

  Occasional voices rose in the distance, calling my name, or to each other. But then clanging sounded from the house – one of those huge triangles old-fashioned farm wives used to call their menfolk home for dinner.

  The black shapes on the sand became dark silhouettes of bodies returning to the house.

  He’d told them.

  I stepped deeper in beneath the trees. My eyes and throat began to ache. I sank to the sandy dirt and curled my arms around my knees.

  Mark kissed me. And he’d wanted to do it. The thrill of his touch had left me shivering. But now I shook with the fear of what might happen next.

  He was inside, talkin
g to guys who couldn’t stand me. He was out of the seamless dark and into the harsh light of reality where I was an outcast and all his friends thought he was nuts for just being friends with me. Would he change his mind? Would they tease him, make him question what had happened?

  Was it all an alcohol-induced slip he would regret in the morning?

  I’d never seen Mark drunk and I didn’t think he was now. He wasn’t slurring. And it wasn’t like he was acting crazy. Well, at least, not to me. If the guys inside had seen us twined together, they’d probably disagree.

  How long would I sit here and wait to find out? Mark wouldn’t trap me on purpose, but he trusted his friends too much and if Finn found out what was going on, he’d be out here faster than–

  “Stacy? Stacy?!” Mark hissed.

  I jumped to my feet and ran out from behind the tree. “Over here.”

  A hulking shape was silhouetted by the light creeping under the lowest branches.

  “I told them you found some tequila and necked it, that it made you sick and you don’t want them to see you throw up,” he chuckled. There was a snap and a fluttering sound as a large blanket leapt out from his extended hands and drifted to lay over the sand and grass. “I told Finn to leave the single bedroom free, that I’d take you up there when you were feeling better.”

  He shrugged and a lump shifted from his shoulder to his hands – a backpack? “I have an extra rug in here, are you cold?”

  I shook my head, but when he didn’t respond I realized he couldn’t see me in the dark. “No,” I managed. Mark threw the blanket to the side, then dug deeper into the bag.

  “I grabbed some chips and stuff from the table and even…” a clink accompanied his hand emerging from the backpack with a flourish, clasping two glasses and a bottle of wine. “I hope you like white. I realized I never asked you what you like to drink. How crazy is that?”

  He sounded buoyant, upbeat, pleased with himself. He’d brought wine?

  Mark shuffled around on his knees on the blanket, throwing the bag off to the side and arranging the snacks. I just watched.

  He settled down, finally, the bottle of wine in one hand and chips on the blanket next to him. I could see tiny crinkles of light where the bag reflected slices of the sky that peeked between the branches.